this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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