I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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