She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
