I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
