Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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