hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
