i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
