The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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