about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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