Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
