Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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