I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
