I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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