Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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