I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
