i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
