I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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