please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
