I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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