Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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