i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I touched a dick in church today
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
