And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
