Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
