I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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