omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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