it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
