I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
