The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
