Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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