i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I want her autograph on my taint
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
