Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
