i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
