Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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