Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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