The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ketchup is God's man juice
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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