Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
