i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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