I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
