dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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