you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
