How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
