I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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