Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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