sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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