Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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