The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
