a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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