so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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