just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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