Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
