You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize