Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize