it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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