There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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