I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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