weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize