I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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