3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
