I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize