He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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