somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
