Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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