I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize