Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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