If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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